Quests: The heroic journeys people hear of every time folktales or epic stories are told. People often think of stories that require people trekking across deserts and continents. It sounds crazy to the naysayers, but everyone goes on quests frequently, if not every day. W.P. Kinsella’s novel, Shoeless Joe, shows an example of a quest by a baseball loving Iowan farmer who follows his dreams.
Ray Kinsella is a farmer in the state of Iowa, one that has grown up with the love of baseball. And out of the blue, the story of his quest starts with a ballpark announcer telling him, “If you build it, he will come” (Kinsella 3). It ultimately pushes him into building his own baseball field, starting with only a left field. When he completes the field, more announcements pop into his head, where it tells him to “ease his pain.” He wonders whose pain he has to help heal so Kinsella soon decides to journey across the country, in which kidnaps hermit writers, befriends J.D. Salinger, sees visions of dead baseball players and watches baseball games in various stadiums.
Thomas C. Foster calls the basic structure of a quest to be comprised of: a “quester,” a destination, reasons to go, trials/difficulties, and the real reason to go on said quest. And in the basic plot for Shoeless Joe, all of these parts fit. The main quester is Ray Kinsella, going to “ease his pain” because a vision told him so. He faces difficulties such as having a hard time convincing people of his visions, and the real reason to go on his quest was for self-knowledge-as Thomas Foster claims is always true. Kinsellas journey leads him to find new friends, to come to understanding with other people and basically self-knowledge. And at the end of Kinsella’s quest he finds out himself that the journey was never take to ease anyone’s pain but his own.
Essay #2 Blindness
Blindness is something that is used often in many novels, usually used to show a character’s personality and characteristics. It can be used to describe those who can not see the truth, or those who only see truth. In Shoeless Joe, a novel by W.P. Kinsella, there are several characters that are blind to the stadium that Ray Kinsella, the main protagonist, has “built” The blind are ignorant of Ray’s creation and only see the “truth,” which is that there is no field at all.
After Ray Kinsella finishes his field, on occasions, he sees a magnificent stadium full of fans and the White Soxs playing baseball. Several others are able to see it easily such as his loving wife and his daughter, and all of them watch the game together. When others that are not close to him come, they only see the grass field and the wooden stands that Ray sits in during the games. They only see the “truth” from their own perspectives. Those who doubt him are not able to see it, but others such as J.D. Salinger, Kid Sissons, and Gypsy, are able to see the field that everyone else is blind to.
Thomas C. Foster talks about how when authors want to mention something about a story, they usually announce it in the earlier parts of the story (the Indiana Jones Principle). And Kinsella (the author) shows it earlier on that only Ray Kinsella(the character in the novel) and the ones that believe in him can see the field. Others are blind because they only see the “truth,” which is that there is no real field, and that there are no White Sox members playing baseball against the Cubs. Because they only believe in what they think is true, the naysayers are unable to see the stadium. But the truth is not really the truth for all people in the novel, for perspectives are all different for every character.
Comment #1
Hi, Kevin! I just read your essay about blindness and I think it's very well- written. I like two big things about your essay. First, I like how you started the essay with interesting sentences, introducing the basic concept of blindness used in literature. I think it adds on the interest and fun to your writing. Second, I like how you organized your paragraphs in to different topics so that readers can understand your main idea without any confusion. The summary paragraph and analytical paragraph is well written and there was no problem understanding it. I only have one thing that I would like to suggest to your essay and that is adding in the quotes to support your ideas or thesis statement. With a good quote, I think it will help your essay to be more structural. When you add the quotes, using in text quote would improve your general writing style. Except for that, your essay clearly explains your idea and analysis. Great job, Kevin!
-Yoonji Reem
Essay #3 Weather
In the real world, rain outside usually means one should take an umbrella out to avoid getting wet. In the literary world, rain can mean more than just one thing; it can foreshadow gloomy days, or predict death. Simply put, weather in literature is not just there for describing the setting, it is something that drives the story itself. In Shoeless Joe, by W.P. Kinsella, weather acts as a foreshadowing of death to come.
After Ray Kinsella successfully manages to gather people to watch is “phantom” baseball game, Eddie Scissons walks out to the field in his Chicago Cubs uniform, to watch the cornstalks flow. There is plenty of wind, creating cornstalks to shake ominously, and Eddie faces directly against the wind. Ray comes to see Eddie to talk to him and he feels the wind and describes it as stroking, gusting, warm and pervasive. Though the wind is warm and dry, Eddie is seen wearing a thick overcoat over his uniform and stands there to talk to Ray. Several days later, Eddie Scissons is found dead
As Thomas C. Foster mentions, weather is crucial when trying to analyze a piece of literature. It not only is used as a plot device, but it can be helpful in trying to figure out the things to come. For instance, in this portion of the book, Eddie Scissons is out there looking towards the wind blowing. And as many books use it as such, wind is often used to describe change. This ominous wind is used to foreshadow the death of Eddie. But Eddie is shown not to fear death, as he is already prepared to face it. He wears a warm coat, even with the hot wind blowing, and he is wearing his uniform, something that he wasn’t going to wear until he was buried with it on.
Hi Kevin, Hope you had a good summer. To get to the point, I really liked your opening line. Linking your idea to the real world makes it much easier to follow. Your flow is good throughout the whole essay. Your introduction is short but sweet; getting your point across without summarizing the book too much which is good. I like the last line of your second paragraph, it really highlights your point about the weather foreshadowing death, however, you did forget to put a period at the end of the sentence (:S) But i'm sure that was just a typo. Your comment about the contrast between what Eddie was wearing and the weather in the last paragraph was interesting however it felt a little out of place. The first two paragraphs fit together so well along with most of the third, but the last few sentences of that last paragraph were a little off. That doesn't make much difference to the fact that it is a very well written essay in my point of view. Well done. :D
Livvy Edwards Essay #4 Communion
Eating together with someone usually is an act of kindness, a form of sincerity where you gather friends to talk and bond together. Or it can mean the exact opposite, where you meet enemies and come together to make fun of or subtly hint how much you hate each other. In W.P. Kinsella’s novel, Shoeless Joe, Ray Kinsella and J.D. Salinger have dinner together at a dinner mainly due to the fact that Ray has “kidnapped” Salinger. It shows the communion between 2 men who have no idea of who the other is, and how Ray struggles to bond with Salinger.
Following his vision of an announcer telling him to “ease his pain,” Ray Kinsella goes out to track down the hermit writer, J.D. Salinger. When Ray explains the situation, Salinger seems him only as a mad lunatic with a gun and is somewhat forced to enter Ray’s car. Then on the way to Boston, they stop at a diner to eat a light dinner and talk to each other. Ray asks a simple question such as, “what do you do,” which leads Jerry (Salinger) to start talking about how his life can never reach serenity. He talks of how strangers gawk at him, and ruin his life by doing things such as looking through windows and breaking his jeep.
This act of eating together, a communion of 2 different men, where one thinks the other is crazy, brings each other to understand each other. Eating, as Thomas C. Foster says, is not about eating, but rather about the things that go on during that time. There is nothing really worth mentioning about the greek salad with lime white feta cheese, fresh tomatoes and crisp lettuce that Ray is eating. Rather, its more important to look at the fact that these 2 men, who have never met before are talking about their personal lives, their feelings. And like Thomas Foster says, this communion brings both of them to find a common element about each other, one that will allow Ray and Jerry to journey together on their new found quest.
Essay #5 Symbols
In literature, everything is a symbol and there is no single interpretation. A turtle could be seen as a sign of hope, or a dirty moldy boot could symbolize friendship. It all depends on the reader’s point of view and their thoughts on the said symbol. In W.P. Kinsella’s novel, Shoeless Joe, out of the many possible things it could possibly mean, the baseball field Ray Kinsella -the main character- builds for himself represents his childhood, one filled with memories of baseball and his father.
Ray had no reason to waste his land and build a baseball field in the middle of his corn farm. He just heard 7 words (repeated twice) one day while sitting on his veranda looking at his farm. “If you build it, he will come.” Instantly Ray started thinking of Shoeless Joe, a baseball player his father had admired 30 years ago. He envisioned a stadium where all the past players that he and his father had seen before could play. Once he finished his field, he could “see” the crowds, the huge floodlights, and the White Sox, the team that he and his father loved so much. Ray felt as excited as a kid on Christmas Eve waiting to open his presents.
The field compelled Ray to once again think about baseball. He casually watched it every once in a while but his stadium allowed him to finally feel like he did when he was with his father. “Watching” the games in his little hand made bleachers made him remember the joy that he experienced with his father. He could see all the famous/infamous players of the past and most importantly, he was able to see his father play once again. All these things helped Ray truly find happiness in his little farm in Iowa
Comment
Kevin, hope you spent your summer vacation meaningfully. In your essay, you showed that you comprehended the idea of symbolism well. However,your essay could've been better in several ways. Length of the introductory paragraph could've been simpler; I believe that there is a pattern of redundency. Because there was redundency, meaning of thesis sentence was quite weakened. It would've been better if you combined every other sentences talking about the main idea into one strong sentence. Moreover, your word choice seemed to be kind of weak. With improved sentence structure and better word choice, your essay would've been better. Overall, your essay displayed your perspective and own interpretation of symbolism described in How to Read Literature Like a Professory and your own novel.
- Samuel Yang
Hey Kevin! Hope you're having a great summer! I chose this particular essay because not only did we do the same topic, it seemed to me that we had similar ideas on symbolism. First off, your voice is phenomenal. I can see that this is YOUR work, because your expressions and the way you connect ideas sound exactly like you. The ideas are not bad; one may say that it's obvious the baseball field represents his childhood, but you clearly explained your thoughts. One particular aspect I liked about this essay was that it wasn't complicated at all. It was clear, succinct, and written in a manner which one can understand easily. Thus, your organization is easy to follow and my eyes do not have to wander around everywhere. Remember for quotations, however, that you must use the correct citation: (author last name, page number). One sentence was a bit awkward--the one where you state Ray's emotions as "a kid on Christmas Eve..." Although I understand that you were trying to use a simile in order to express Ray's emotions, it seemed a bit out of place compared to the rest of the essay. Don't forget the period at the end of your essay too! One other sentence that was a bit confusing to understand was your thesis. You state "the baseball field Ray Kinsella." It's confusing to connect the two ideas at the same time, so I suggest you use commas or use "the baseball field THAT Ray Kinsella..." Your word choice was easy to understand and I liked your examples in the introduction! A great writer ties the whole essay with reality and the real world. Overall, I think this was one of your best essays! I enjoyed reading it! :) See you soon!
-Lydia Ahn
Comment
Hello Kevin! I hope you enjoyed your summer vacation a lot. I thought this essay was the most appealing to me because I like looking in to symbols inside literatures. First of all, I think you should make your introductory paragraph much simpler. Your last sentence, or what you may also call the thesis statement must be shortened or simplified. It was really complicated for me to understand your super complex sentence. I heard it somewhere that in higher level writing the thesis statement can be a multi-sentence construction. The thing that is more important than having a one sentence thesis is being able to state the ideas clearly to the readers. Maybe you can take this chance as separating that super complex sentence in to a stronger form. Secondly, I think it is important to conclude the essay strongly with your opinion. Other than these, I think you had a not so bad idea. Good bye.
Edward Cho
My Comments
Comment #1
Hey Jin, it’s your best buddy Kevin G to make the first comment on your essays! Okay, let me get straight to it. Overall your essay seems to flow well, with a good beginning, middle end structure, excellent word choice and some good analysis. Your intro (mainly your hook) seemed a bit weird for me; i thought it could be made into a longer sentence or you could add some sort of connection between the 3rd and the 4th sentences. I like how you used your quote to show how serious Conrad's attempt at suicide was. It really allows the reader of your essay understand how depressed he really was. However, your last 2 sentences seem like they could be placed in a different location. Its somewhat confusing because it somewhat sounds like Conrad attempted to commit suicide again after his first attempt (I have not read this book so if this is what you tried to do, ignore this completely). Again, overall your essay is a very well written one, with just little things here and there that I found confusing. Also, this books sounds extremely depressing so I hope you aren't all gloomy by the start of school.
Jin Kwon Essay #3
Comment #2
Hey Lyds, it’s Kevin G with a comment for your essay. First of all, I'd like to say nice thinking on the quick 1-sentence conclusions on all your essays so far. I just ended my essays with my 3rd paragraph but that extra sentence really helps the readers understand the whole point of the essay again. Okay, now lets start with your introduction. It’s a good hook, showing how symbolism is different in literature because of its vast amount of interpretations. But I have to say that the 4th and the last sentence could have been connected a bit better. In the body paragraphs, I found that you seemed to be emphasizing on the fact that the room made David alone and allowed him to keep his secret hidden. I was able to really see how isolated he really was from the rest of his family. I think you could have maybe mentioned why he was so immersed in trying to capture every precious moment, but then again the 300-word limit is a real pain to work around. The quote you added into your paragraph could have been analyzed better; it kind of seemed like you just threw it in there for the sake of proving that David thought it was peaceful. I don't mean its bad or anything, but I believe it could have been put to better use. Overall, the essay was well written with good sentence structure and nice flow. See you in class on Monday!
W.P. Kinsella
Essay #1 Quests
Quests: The heroic journeys people hear of every time folktales or epic stories are told. People often think of stories that require people trekking across deserts and continents. It sounds crazy to the naysayers, but everyone goes on quests frequently, if not every day. W.P. Kinsella’s novel, Shoeless Joe, shows an example of a quest by a baseball loving Iowan farmer who follows his dreams.
Ray Kinsella is a farmer in the state of Iowa, one that has grown up with the love of baseball. And out of the blue, the story of his quest starts with a ballpark announcer telling him, “If you build it, he will come” (Kinsella 3). It ultimately pushes him into building his own baseball field, starting with only a left field. When he completes the field, more announcements pop into his head, where it tells him to “ease his pain.” He wonders whose pain he has to help heal so Kinsella soon decides to journey across the country, in which kidnaps hermit writers, befriends J.D. Salinger, sees visions of dead baseball players and watches baseball games in various stadiums.
Thomas C. Foster calls the basic structure of a quest to be comprised of: a “quester,” a destination, reasons to go, trials/difficulties, and the real reason to go on said quest. And in the basic plot for Shoeless Joe, all of these parts fit. The main quester is Ray Kinsella, going to “ease his pain” because a vision told him so. He faces difficulties such as having a hard time convincing people of his visions, and the real reason to go on his quest was for self-knowledge-as Thomas Foster claims is always true. Kinsellas journey leads him to find new friends, to come to understanding with other people and basically self-knowledge. And at the end of Kinsella’s quest he finds out himself that the journey was never take to ease anyone’s pain but his own.
Essay #2 Blindness
Blindness is something that is used often in many novels, usually used to show a character’s personality and characteristics. It can be used to describe those who can not see the truth, or those who only see truth. In Shoeless Joe, a novel by W.P. Kinsella, there are several characters that are blind to the stadium that Ray Kinsella, the main protagonist, has “built” The blind are ignorant of Ray’s creation and only see the “truth,” which is that there is no field at all.
After Ray Kinsella finishes his field, on occasions, he sees a magnificent stadium full of fans and the White Soxs playing baseball. Several others are able to see it easily such as his loving wife and his daughter, and all of them watch the game together. When others that are not close to him come, they only see the grass field and the wooden stands that Ray sits in during the games. They only see the “truth” from their own perspectives. Those who doubt him are not able to see it, but others such as J.D. Salinger, Kid Sissons, and Gypsy, are able to see the field that everyone else is blind to.
Thomas C. Foster talks about how when authors want to mention something about a story, they usually announce it in the earlier parts of the story (the Indiana Jones Principle). And Kinsella (the author) shows it earlier on that only Ray Kinsella(the character in the novel) and the ones that believe in him can see the field. Others are blind because they only see the “truth,” which is that there is no real field, and that there are no White Sox members playing baseball against the Cubs. Because they only believe in what they think is true, the naysayers are unable to see the stadium. But the truth is not really the truth for all people in the novel, for perspectives are all different for every character.
Comment #1
Hi, Kevin! I just read your essay about blindness and I think it's very well- written. I like two big things about your essay. First, I like how you started the essay with interesting sentences, introducing the basic concept of blindness used in literature. I think it adds on the interest and fun to your writing. Second, I like how you organized your paragraphs in to different topics so that readers can understand your main idea without any confusion. The summary paragraph and analytical paragraph is well written and there was no problem understanding it. I only have one thing that I would like to suggest to your essay and that is adding in the quotes to support your ideas or thesis statement. With a good quote, I think it will help your essay to be more structural. When you add the quotes, using in text quote would improve your general writing style. Except for that, your essay clearly explains your idea and analysis. Great job, Kevin!
-Yoonji Reem
Essay #3 Weather
In the real world, rain outside usually means one should take an umbrella out to avoid getting wet. In the literary world, rain can mean more than just one thing; it can foreshadow gloomy days, or predict death. Simply put, weather in literature is not just there for describing the setting, it is something that drives the story itself. In Shoeless Joe, by W.P. Kinsella, weather acts as a foreshadowing of death to come.
After Ray Kinsella successfully manages to gather people to watch is “phantom” baseball game, Eddie Scissons walks out to the field in his Chicago Cubs uniform, to watch the cornstalks flow. There is plenty of wind, creating cornstalks to shake ominously, and Eddie faces directly against the wind. Ray comes to see Eddie to talk to him and he feels the wind and describes it as stroking, gusting, warm and pervasive. Though the wind is warm and dry, Eddie is seen wearing a thick overcoat over his uniform and stands there to talk to Ray. Several days later, Eddie Scissons is found dead
As Thomas C. Foster mentions, weather is crucial when trying to analyze a piece of literature. It not only is used as a plot device, but it can be helpful in trying to figure out the things to come. For instance, in this portion of the book, Eddie Scissons is out there looking towards the wind blowing. And as many books use it as such, wind is often used to describe change. This ominous wind is used to foreshadow the death of Eddie. But Eddie is shown not to fear death, as he is already prepared to face it. He wears a warm coat, even with the hot wind blowing, and he is wearing his uniform, something that he wasn’t going to wear until he was buried with it on.
Hi Kevin, Hope you had a good summer. To get to the point, I really liked your opening line. Linking your idea to the real world makes it much easier to follow. Your flow is good throughout the whole essay. Your introduction is short but sweet; getting your point across without summarizing the book too much which is good. I like the last line of your second paragraph, it really highlights your point about the weather foreshadowing death, however, you did forget to put a period at the end of the sentence (:S) But i'm sure that was just a typo. Your comment about the contrast between what Eddie was wearing and the weather in the last paragraph was interesting however it felt a little out of place. The first two paragraphs fit together so well along with most of the third, but the last few sentences of that last paragraph were a little off. That doesn't make much difference to the fact that it is a very well written essay in my point of view. Well done. :D
Livvy Edwards
Essay #4 Communion
Eating together with someone usually is an act of kindness, a form of sincerity where you gather friends to talk and bond together. Or it can mean the exact opposite, where you meet enemies and come together to make fun of or subtly hint how much you hate each other. In W.P. Kinsella’s novel, Shoeless Joe, Ray Kinsella and J.D. Salinger have dinner together at a dinner mainly due to the fact that Ray has “kidnapped” Salinger. It shows the communion between 2 men who have no idea of who the other is, and how Ray struggles to bond with Salinger.
Following his vision of an announcer telling him to “ease his pain,” Ray Kinsella goes out to track down the hermit writer, J.D. Salinger. When Ray explains the situation, Salinger seems him only as a mad lunatic with a gun and is somewhat forced to enter Ray’s car. Then on the way to Boston, they stop at a diner to eat a light dinner and talk to each other. Ray asks a simple question such as, “what do you do,” which leads Jerry (Salinger) to start talking about how his life can never reach serenity. He talks of how strangers gawk at him, and ruin his life by doing things such as looking through windows and breaking his jeep.
This act of eating together, a communion of 2 different men, where one thinks the other is crazy, brings each other to understand each other. Eating, as Thomas C. Foster says, is not about eating, but rather about the things that go on during that time. There is nothing really worth mentioning about the greek salad with lime white feta cheese, fresh tomatoes and crisp lettuce that Ray is eating. Rather, its more important to look at the fact that these 2 men, who have never met before are talking about their personal lives, their feelings. And like Thomas Foster says, this communion brings both of them to find a common element about each other, one that will allow Ray and Jerry to journey together on their new found quest.
Essay #5 Symbols
In literature, everything is a symbol and there is no single interpretation. A turtle could be seen as a sign of hope, or a dirty moldy boot could symbolize friendship. It all depends on the reader’s point of view and their thoughts on the said symbol. In W.P. Kinsella’s novel, Shoeless Joe, out of the many possible things it could possibly mean, the baseball field Ray Kinsella -the main character- builds for himself represents his childhood, one filled with memories of baseball and his father.
Ray had no reason to waste his land and build a baseball field in the middle of his corn farm. He just heard 7 words (repeated twice) one day while sitting on his veranda looking at his farm. “If you build it, he will come.” Instantly Ray started thinking of Shoeless Joe, a baseball player his father had admired 30 years ago. He envisioned a stadium where all the past players that he and his father had seen before could play. Once he finished his field, he could “see” the crowds, the huge floodlights, and the White Sox, the team that he and his father loved so much. Ray felt as excited as a kid on Christmas Eve waiting to open his presents.
The field compelled Ray to once again think about baseball. He casually watched it every once in a while but his stadium allowed him to finally feel like he did when he was with his father. “Watching” the games in his little hand made bleachers made him remember the joy that he experienced with his father. He could see all the famous/infamous players of the past and most importantly, he was able to see his father play once again. All these things helped Ray truly find happiness in his little farm in Iowa
Comment
Kevin, hope you spent your summer vacation meaningfully. In your essay, you showed that you comprehended the idea of symbolism well. However,your essay could've been better in several ways. Length of the introductory paragraph could've been simpler; I believe that there is a pattern of redundency. Because there was redundency, meaning of thesis sentence was quite weakened. It would've been better if you combined every other sentences talking about the main idea into one strong sentence. Moreover, your word choice seemed to be kind of weak. With improved sentence structure and better word choice, your essay would've been better. Overall, your essay displayed your perspective and own interpretation of symbolism described in How to Read Literature Like a Professory and your own novel.
- Samuel Yang
Hey Kevin! Hope you're having a great summer! I chose this particular essay because not only did we do the same topic, it seemed to me that we had similar ideas on symbolism. First off, your voice is phenomenal. I can see that this is YOUR work, because your expressions and the way you connect ideas sound exactly like you. The ideas are not bad; one may say that it's obvious the baseball field represents his childhood, but you clearly explained your thoughts. One particular aspect I liked about this essay was that it wasn't complicated at all. It was clear, succinct, and written in a manner which one can understand easily. Thus, your organization is easy to follow and my eyes do not have to wander around everywhere. Remember for quotations, however, that you must use the correct citation: (author last name, page number). One sentence was a bit awkward--the one where you state Ray's emotions as "a kid on Christmas Eve..." Although I understand that you were trying to use a simile in order to express Ray's emotions, it seemed a bit out of place compared to the rest of the essay. Don't forget the period at the end of your essay too! One other sentence that was a bit confusing to understand was your thesis. You state "the baseball field Ray Kinsella." It's confusing to connect the two ideas at the same time, so I suggest you use commas or use "the baseball field THAT Ray Kinsella..." Your word choice was easy to understand and I liked your examples in the introduction! A great writer ties the whole essay with reality and the real world. Overall, I think this was one of your best essays! I enjoyed reading it! :) See you soon!
-Lydia Ahn
Comment
Hello Kevin! I hope you enjoyed your summer vacation a lot. I thought this essay was the most appealing to me because I like looking in to symbols inside literatures. First of all, I think you should make your introductory paragraph much simpler. Your last sentence, or what you may also call the thesis statement must be shortened or simplified. It was really complicated for me to understand your super complex sentence. I heard it somewhere that in higher level writing the thesis statement can be a multi-sentence construction. The thing that is more important than having a one sentence thesis is being able to state the ideas clearly to the readers. Maybe you can take this chance as separating that super complex sentence in to a stronger form. Secondly, I think it is important to conclude the essay strongly with your opinion. Other than these, I think you had a not so bad idea. Good bye.
Edward Cho
My Comments
Comment #1
Hey Jin, it’s your best buddy Kevin G to make the first comment on your essays! Okay, let me get straight to it. Overall your essay seems to flow well, with a good beginning, middle end structure, excellent word choice and some good analysis. Your intro (mainly your hook) seemed a bit weird for me; i thought it could be made into a longer sentence or you could add some sort of connection between the 3rd and the 4th sentences. I like how you used your quote to show how serious Conrad's attempt at suicide was. It really allows the reader of your essay understand how depressed he really was. However, your last 2 sentences seem like they could be placed in a different location. Its somewhat confusing because it somewhat sounds like Conrad attempted to commit suicide again after his first attempt (I have not read this book so if this is what you tried to do, ignore this completely). Again, overall your essay is a very well written one, with just little things here and there that I found confusing. Also, this books sounds extremely depressing so I hope you aren't all gloomy by the start of school.
Jin Kwon Essay #3
Comment #2
Hey Lyds, it’s Kevin G with a comment for your essay. First of all, I'd like to say nice thinking on the quick 1-sentence conclusions on all your essays so far. I just ended my essays with my 3rd paragraph but that extra sentence really helps the readers understand the whole point of the essay again. Okay, now lets start with your introduction. It’s a good hook, showing how symbolism is different in literature because of its vast amount of interpretations. But I have to say that the 4th and the last sentence could have been connected a bit better. In the body paragraphs, I found that you seemed to be emphasizing on the fact that the room made David alone and allowed him to keep his secret hidden. I was able to really see how isolated he really was from the rest of his family. I think you could have maybe mentioned why he was so immersed in trying to capture every precious moment, but then again the 300-word limit is a real pain to work around. The quote you added into your paragraph could have been analyzed better; it kind of seemed like you just threw it in there for the sake of proving that David thought it was peaceful. I don't mean its bad or anything, but I believe it could have been put to better use. Overall, the essay was well written with good sentence structure and nice flow. See you in class on Monday!
Lydia Ahn Essay # 2